Overview
I figured that I would write this blog partially because I want to put down my thoughts about depression, and partially because I have realized that there really are a lot of people who have depression like me, and can relate to what I have felt. Depression isn't that simple. There is more then one way to feel depressed, which can be hard for people without depression to understand. I decided to try to chronicle my battle with depression so that maybe others with depression can relate, or those without depression can gain some understanding.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Guess I should start by giving a brief description of myself. I was diagnosed with ADD as a child, but was never put on medication for it because the Doctor recommended a medication that my mom severely objected to. As a result i developed natural controls to manage. I had a pretty good system going. I was diagnosed with depression just before starting my sophomore year at college. I started on medication and became a lot happier. Then when school started I realized my natural controls weren't working to control my ADD because i was on medication with a side affect of causing inattention, so i started on meds for my ADD as well. After about a semester of messing around with the medications my doctor and i felt like we had gotten a mix that would work for me. It was a rough semester. I am currently on Adderall, Prozac, Deplin, and Seroquel. I have a bottle of Xanex in case I start having a panic attack. My dad and a few of my siblings are on meds for anxiety problems. I have problems with looking to far into the future. It stresses me out to try to plan farther then a few days. When i was applying to colleges i had a few panic attacks. It was super scary. I wondered if i was having a heart attack the first time. I realized what it was though, and rode it out until it past. I left the trigger (a college application) and just focused on breathing (which i was having problems with). I made everyone who was pestering me leave. My mom can get naggy when she is worried, and so she gets really naggy about things that are already causing me a lot of undo stress, making everything a lot worse. She thinks i won't do it if she doesn't nag me, but really I have to trick myself into doing a little at a time until i start to feel stressed. When she comes in as i am starting and nags me that i haven't done enough yet it makes my stress jump and i can't work on it anymore, which leads to more nagging. Luckily living away from home panic attacks isn't something i have to worry about to much.
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